Life’s Disappointments

Six-year-old Shawn, majorette-in-training

First, the good news. We all experience disappointments, so you’re not alone. And, they can be catalysts for positive change. The bad news? They hurt. And, if we internalize them instead of holding them with open hands, we can become bitter.

Here are some disappointments I’ve experienced, in ascending order of importance, which also correspond to my age. Maybe you can relate?

Minor

Never being allowed to get soda-pop with my childhood fast food meals

Returning from a walk around the block to discover my personal shell collection was “accidentally” sold at our garage sale

Having to practice piano

Giving up piano

Not being able to twirl a baton like my older cousin Dawn

Learning Gilligan never gets off the island

Not being old enough to hang out with my cousins during summer days on Lake Arrowhead in Gaylord

The painted-as-a-path elephant footprints going missing at The Detroit Zoo

Yeeeha! Watch out ELEVEN, here comes Shawn

Medium

Being the most gullible middle school girl at the volleyball team slumber party at our female coach’s home, stripping down to my birthday suit under a wool blanket for the ridiculous “You’re-In-A-Desert-Dying-Of-Heat-Exhaustion-And-Have-To-Take-Something-Off-To-Survive?” game (I think dear Marnie, of matchmaking status—see “Blazing Fire"—was present here also. Regardless, I’m guessing this game doesn’t get played anymore at official team parties. By the way, the right answer to the game is, take off the blanket, first.)

After four years of carefully sewing each of my many high school sports medals onto my varsity letter jacket, having a dear family member cut them all off in one fell swoop to display on a piece of felt at my graduation open house

Scott & Shawn honeymooning in Bermuda, 1991

Major

Not telling on the 16-year-old neighbor boy who sexually molested me at age 11

Not being a very kind big sister, but instead a selfish teenage brat

At 15, being told by my father that I could not date a 19-year-old who broke my heart

At 21, forgetting to take my “birth control” pills two days before my wedding Using the sponge on my honeymoon (yes, Scott was truly “sponge-worthy”) and getting sick from not using it properly

Learning too late that “birth control” pills are likely abortifacient not just contraceptive (see this link) Wanting so badly to have natural births, but having our first two children by c-section Losing my amazing, strong, healthy father to brain cancer at age 66

Conclusion?

These experiences go from light to heavy, for sure. More than just “disappointments”? Well, these experiences fit the following definitions I found:

• sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations

• put to shame/ashamed

• dismayed

• confounded utterly dejected

• heartbroken

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven - Proverbs 17:9

I’m so grateful that my parents taught me well, “in the way I should go”. From the very beginning, this foundational life training equipped me in myriad ways, including weathering sadness, shame, anger and dejection with wisdom and love.

And just as important as their oral instruction, Bennie and Bonnie modeled this Messiah-like wisdom and love with their actions, never holding grudges for their disappointments and hurts, but always graciously forgiving. And seeking forgiveness when needed.

Bonnie and Bennie with newly adopted Shawn Marie, 1970